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Our Mission

To promote positive change and make a lasting impact on the world around us by cultivating a culture of love, a commitment to excellence, continuous renewal, and steadfast integrity with the end goal of transforming lives, organizations, and communities, one act of love and service at a time.

What Actually Helps?

There is no perfect way to grieve a pregnancy loss, but several things can make the process healthier.

REACH FOR SUPPORT BEFORE YOU FEEL COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED.

Talking with a trusted friend, counselor, faith leader, or pregnancy-loss support group can help you feel less alone. You do not have to carry the grief privately.

MAKE ROOM FOR BOTH EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL RECOVERY.

Pregnancy loss can affect the body as well as the heart. Rest, attend follow-upappointments, and give yourself permission to recover without rushing back to“normal.”

CALL THE LOSS WHAT IT WAS

If this baby mattered to you, you do not have to minimize the loss because someone else considers the pregnancy "early."

LET YOUR PARTNER GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY.

Do not use identical emotional responses as the measure of whether your spouse cares.

TALK ABOUT WHAT EACH OF YOU NEEDS.

Instead of assuming, ask: "Do you want me to listen, help you figure something out, distract you for a while, or just stay with you?"

BE CAREFUL ABOUT DISAPPEARING INTO WORK.

Returning to work can be healthy. Using work indefinitely to avoid thinking or feeling may not be.

EXPECT SOME TRIGGERS.

Pregnancy announcements, due dates, Mother's Day, Father's Day, pediatric calls, medical appointments, or the anniversary of the loss may hit harder than expected.

DECIDE TOGETHER WHAT YOU WANT TO REMEMBER.

Some families name the baby. Some keep ultrasound pictures. Some mark the due date privately. Some want none of those things. There is no requirement.

GIVE THE NEXT PREGNANCY PERMISSION TO BE COMPLICATED.

You can be grateful, excited, scared, and grieving at the same time.

None of these situations means the responder is incapable of doing the job. But an emotional reaction to them should not be interpreted as weakness either.The brain is very good at making associations.

 

After a significant loss, sights, sounds, dates, places, medical environments, and situations connected to what happened can trigger memories and emotions.Sometimes the reaction catches people completely off guard.

When It May Be Time to Talk to Someone

Grief itself is not a disorder, and having difficult days after a miscarriage does not mean something is wrong.

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But additional support may be helpful when distress is not improving, functioning is becoming increasingly difficult, or you notice significant changes such as persistent withdrawal, severe anxiety, escalating alcohol use, uncontrolled anger, recurring intrusive memories, significant relationship problems, inability to sleep even when there is an opportunity, or thoughts that life is no longer worth living.

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You also do not have to wait until things are that bad.

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Sometimes the best time to talk to someone is simply when you realize: "I'm carrying this harder than I thought I would."

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First responders spend their careers walking into other people's worst days. Sometimes the worst day happens in your own family.

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There may not be a call to run, a problem to solve, or a way to change what happened.

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But there are ways to carry it without carrying it alone.

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Research Behind This Section

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Williams, H. M., Topping, A., Coomarasamy, A., & Jones, L. L. (2020). Men and miscarriage: A systematic review and thematic synthesis. Qualitative Health Research, 30(1), 133–145.

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Obst, K. L., Due, C., Oxlad, M., & Middleton, P. (2020). Men's grief following pregnancy loss and neonatal loss: A systematic review and emerging theoretical model. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, 20, 11.

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